......
You have no idea how long I've waited for this...
FINALLY, after all that has happened; it's over.
I don't even know where to begin.
Lord God, Thank You for the struggle.
Amen.
Whew...am I tired. Laid down at 8:30pm last night, slept for 5 hours. Writing this is a struggle in and of itself; how appropriate. If anyone knows what struggle is about, I do. And if I know as much as I feel to have come to know about struggle, you know a good bit as well. Let's see how much of a struggle it'll be to get through this one.
Jihad...once thought of as a "Holy War" in western society due to miseducation and propaganda-like approaches to the "war on terrorism", I came to understand that this is far from what the term actually means. To make war as a form of jihad is really what was being expressed through this thought pattern, but jihad as a concept simply means struggle. As we've discussed here, struggle is something that we shouldn't expect to go away. Although I consider myself to be an academic scholar, I have no problem in citing a Wiki page because I believe in the collective power of knowledge sharing, so here it is:
Other examples/contexts for jihad...
- "A commitment to hard work" and "achieving one's goals in life"
- "Struggling to achieve a noble cause"
- "Promoting peace, harmony or cooperation, and assisting others"
- "Living the principles of Islam"
What has become apparently obvious by this point is that jihad isn't fully about this westernized idea of a militaristic approach in "loving your neighbors" who oppose or are not a part of the community of Islamic believers; so much more than that. In writing this I may choose to use a "war" state of mind in explaining certain elements; keep in mind that the war I'm referring to isn't between people but within one's self #makeWar
Now we can get started...on to the good stuff.
In...(I'm getting old), 2005/06-ish I took a World Religions class at what was Florida Community College at Jacksonville and has since been transitioned into Florida State College at Jacksonville (and no it's has nothing to do with Florida State University or the Seminoles). It's funny really. We were asked the first day of class to introduce ourselves and say why we were taking the class, "I thought it'd be an easy A." Everyone laughed. The professor assured me it wouldn't be that easy. I also took it [the class] because I wanted to learn more about other beliefs. I had always had a fundamental understanding and yearning to grasp the connection between all of these "faith paths" that had been purported to be so drastically different.
I really enjoyed the class. It was taught by a guy who was to become a Priest at some point I believe. His faith background was more of a Christian influenced one, yet he did "justice" to all of the faiths presented by taking a balanced approach. At times we'd have people come talk to us in the classroom (e.g. Mormon missionaries) and also go on field trips to places of worship (e.g. Buddhist Temple, Mosque, Synagogue, etc.) Being in my early-early 20s this was an awesome experience being able to soak in all that was being said and done. We even had an opportunity to participate during a time of prayer at the mosque; noting that those who were visiting had been invited to observe or take a more hands-on approach. In writing my papers for this class I believe they all had to do with the connections between Christianity and Islam. I came up with some witty title(s) involving the Cross and Dome of the Rock (can't recall now).
It's been made well known throughout many entries that I didn't graduate a year ago (I did this time!). I'm going to make a sincere attempt to quickly review what transpired in the period leading up to and after this event.
During the month of April I pretty much focused on classes as much as possible.
April 30-Selfish God "When God speaks...people listen"
May rolled around and there was a lot of Hate(rs) coming forth.
May 3-Gay protests at the United Methodist Church's General Conference
May 7- God Speaks and my response is, "Ok." Took my Distributed Systems exam.
May 8- North Carolina votes to ban "gay marriage", although it wasn't gay marriage b/c that was already outlawed
May 9- President Barack Obama states his stance has evolved and backs the legality of same-sex relationships
May 11- Completely bombed a final for a class that I needed an "A" in to graduate.
May 13-18: Came to understand that I wasn't finished and would have to return for another year.
May 20- Attended my graduation (anyways); didn't walk
Still plenty of haters towards same-sex marriage.
Grew spiritually as I rested on my faith to get me through this tough time. There was a lot going on.
June 1- If I were President... #iKnowWhoIam
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| Great Monty Python Reference |
If graduating wasn't enough, I had to struggle with trying to understand what was going on in my life spiritually. How/why did this happen and what the heck is going on in the "world" today? Coincidentally I had been jotting notes down on my "sticky notes" application to try and understand (throughout the course of 2011-2012) exactly what it was that I was coming to terms with. I'd ask things such as #whoAmI and #whereDoIStand. The answer to the latter can be found here. I'll answer the former a week from today.
All of this is just a year ago and there is so much more that I don't have time/space to put here, but will make available in some form/fashion later on in life.
Here's the kicker. I took what I thought was the last test of my academic career on May 9, 2013. The professor for this particular test hadn't been helpful at all. I tried to reschedule his test (thinking that he would be able to assist me) because I had another at the same time slot. I ended up taking two tests on the same day within a few hours of each other; no biggie. The following Monday rolls around and I didn't do as well as I expected but determined I should have an "A-".
Monday May 13-Got final exam grade back.
Tuesday May 14-Got final grades in. Needed all As, got an A and a "B+". Went to talk to the professor because I was cheated out of an "A-" (I had compared my grades to others similar in number); to be clear I wasn't asking for him to give me anything. I was challenging him to give me what I knew I had earned.
Wednesday May 15-Talked to another professor to see if he might be able to help. I only needed 3 points on my last midterm exam from Fall 2012 [This would fix everything]. I knew the right answer as shown by my notes on the front page, yet I wrote the wrong one down where it actually counted (one out of two was wrong). Professor says, "There's nothing I can do, my hands are tied." He also chided me for waiting so late; "It's been what six months and you're coming to me now?!" First off, I came to you at the beginning of the Spring semester since I took your class in the Fall (to verify that my mistake cost me the next letter grade; "B-" versus a "B"); whatever. He suggested I talk to the department because, "they should be able to make an exception". Like I really want to be an exception to the rules at this point.
Keep in mind that I'm the last one to graduate out of my class AND I'm barely going to meet the requirements to finish.
My director stepped in and found a professor willing to extend some grace. I'd have to retake the final I took on May 7 and achieve a certain score. Haven't taken the class for a year and I have to take it on tomorrow because Friday I fly out to Jacksonville for a wedding.
Thursday May 16- Studied. Took the test. Missed the departmental BBQ. At about 8:30pm I got an email saying that it wasn't pretty but I did it; even beat the needed score by 5 points.
Quick Note: The professor who cheated me out of my "A-" said to us a year ago, "It's not about the grades." In the midst of it all before I had even failed the class I thought, "That couldn't be further from the truth." And as his actions showed on this past week, I was exactly right, even a year prior. Why the professors who I "pay" to teach me couldn't understand grace, given the lives they've led (and potential opportunities that grace has been afforded to them), I don't quite get, but it probably has something to do with the underlying struggle between what schools were founded upon (i.e. Somewhat religious principles) and how they have become (i.e. A breeding ground for anti-faith/belief/Christian perspective in their classroom approach; increasingly secular).
What am I saying here? Simply put, my time at Carnegie Mellon University, my struggle and all that I did to give to this community only to be slapped (and spat upon) in the face is a direct parallel to how far academia has strayed from where it once was originally. This is both a good and bad thing (i.e. The straying).
Think I'm done? Not quite. It gets better (or worse). I attended a play for a good friend of mine May 17 when I got into town. Straight from the airport to the beach where the playhouse is. The next day Saturday May 18 I went to a wedding; left about 10pm and was in bed by midnight. Sunday May 19, the big day, I was up at around 3am to be to the airport by 5am for a flight that left at 7am. This. Is. The kicker; I mean, the real kicker; climax.
We're on the tarmac waiting to take off and we hear, "...thunderstorms, all traffic is at a standstill." I knew it was going to happen; it wouldn't be my life if it didn't. The President was also flying in to Atlanta to give the commencement speech at Morehouse College. It seems people were more (non-pun intended, but it's quite puny) pissed that the President was flying in than they were with the thunderstorms. The weather alone was enough to keep us grounded (and me grounded in humility). We finally get to Atlanta to have missed our connecting flight AND the next flight is overbooked. Eventually we get rescheduled to fly to Baltimore and are scheduled to depart at 2pm. The gate attendant tells us to begin boarding and then makes an announcement (right after telling us to start to board the plane), "We have 33 passengers who haven't arrived yet. We're going to wait for them." Now, at this point I'm already going to miss the actual ceremony which is at 3pm. On top of that the company (or Captain) has made a business decision to wait for these people, well because it'd be a headache trying to deal with them if they miss their flight. Not sure why no one waited for me. This means a missed connection in Baltimore and...at that point once we got to Baltimore I just drove the 4 hours to Pittsburgh because I didn't feel like waiting at the airport another 4 hours.
It's pretty clear that on top of pushing to graduate the last month of scheduled classes I wasn't to be done with my jihad any time soon. This also doesn't cover much to do with my personal/spiritual struggle throughout my time at Carnegie Mellon/Pittsburgh; although you can find some of it in other entries. I won't tell you where to look though.
I say all of that to say this, "Struggle on."
And in the famous closing line of Bill Cosby at a CMU commencement speech not too long ago, "And in closing. I close." #walksAwayBillstyle
SN: Just had an interesting thought, "I'm gonna remember you, you gonna remember me." #paulaDeanda #walkAway Man...wouldn't it be funny if down the road...we'll see what happens.
Why?
The quick skinny:
- Struggle is not going anywhere
What does this mean for me? #theReader
It's been a while since I've done an entry in this format. What this means for you is...could mean a number of things. First, step away from your ignorance and what's fed to you as truth. Seek it out for yourself. Second, we all struggle. Is there something you can learn from it? How about teaching others? It's not the struggle that is of the greatest significance but what you do with it.
For further insight: Read- Jihad: True Meaning, Terrorism in the name of Jihad, Currently Struggling?
For further insight: Read- Jihad: True Meaning, Terrorism in the name of Jihad, Currently Struggling?
This is F.U.N. (For Ur Needs)
Use your KEYS
- Know that struggle is a part of life
- Expect to struggle, at times alone
- Your resilience in the struggle will produce an award/reward later on
- Stay committed, diligent, and keep your head up
Challenge
- Don't struggle unnecessarily (i.e. Cause yourself to struggle more than you should by making less than "the best" decisions)
Bob Ya’ Head
Conquerors (Kirk Franklin) Lyrics
It's not often that we see men doing a dance in church
(or at least I haven't other than miming)
Make War (Tedashii) Lyrics
My hope and prayer for you today is that you don't give up in the midst of your struggle.
You will make it and by the grace of God begin to smile with thankfulness;
it's always a good thing when you can laugh about it.
One day you'll look back and laugh [at this]; I always do.
