Manhood Pt 2: You Jus' Like Yo Daddy!

All he wants is a hero.

All I could dream of is to become the hero he imagines me to be. No matter how many mistakes I make...or how often I wanna give up; I do it for him.

And as sure as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, his momma won't let him forget, "You just like yo daddy!"

Malachi 4:6 (NKJV)

"...he will turn

The hearts of the fathers to the children,

And the hearts of the children to their fathers..." [Amen.]

When we last left off in Man Up, Be a man...Manly man, I gave my pops a birthday shout and we took a quick look at what it means to be a man; more specifically, how this factors into one's growing into "manhood".

Three quick points I want to highlight from that post:

• Daddy made sure I got to school for my entire K-12 education
• He taught me how to dress #tuckInYourShirt
• As a youngster (approximately 4 or so at the time), I heard, "Be better than me."

Some of these themes will ring relevant during the rounding out of this topic of #manhood.

"See I got demons in my past

So I got daughters on the way

If the prophecy's correct

Then the child should have to pay

For the sins of a father

So I barter my tomorrows

Against my yesterdays

In hopes that she'll be OK" 

(Jay-Z's Beach Chair)

SN: Jay-Z knew he was gonna have daughters?! So far he's (at least) halfway there.

Other than being a pretty "decent" lyricist Jay-Z has once again made a scriptural reference in his music. This idea of a child having to "pay" for the sins of their father is one that has been going around since time began. Well, shortly after...certainly in response to Adam and Eve being kicked out of the garden; a story for another day. 

Let's take a quick look at Ezekiel 16:44. In particular this verse is out of an entire "monologue" being spoken to Jerusalem for their unfaithfulness to God.

44 “Behold, everyone who quotes proverbs 

will quote this proverb concerning you, saying, 

‘Like mother, like daughter.’

   

I'd like to flip that verse and say: "Like Father, like Son." This brings up an interesting topic of conversation, that is "generational curses/sins". Some people believe in generational curses. There's some tragic issue or problem that has been "haunting" a family for years. For example, supposedly there is a curse or two in my family on my mother's side, referred to as "The Brown Curse". Do I believe in it?! Nope, not really. Do I think things happen merely out of coincidence or by chance...of course I don't. I can't speak much to generational curses, but what is plainly obvious is that if one generation after another continues to make the same decisions then they should expect the results to not deviate. In essence, to blame your decisions or current status solely on some "curse" without taking responsibility for your role in determining it...is very superficial. We're so easily scared and put in places of fear that we rather not question anything.

Decisions of the patriarchs (matriarchs) of families or anyone who can have an influence on the future progression of their offspring usually do affect generations to come. Why? I think in many cases it's because people don't address the decision that was made. For example, we might all just pretend that Pop Brown was a good man and that he couldn't have done any wrong...

You have to be real enough to say, "I'm gonna tell it like it is."

According to Ezekiel 18:2-4, everyone is responsible for their own life and the decisions they make. Possibly you may be responsible for those you impact in an indirect way as well. Children do not pay for their fathers sins in the sense of receiving direct punishment (for what someone else did), but as we see in the case of many "fatherless" children, the fact that their biological dad isn't there may be punishment enough.

Where does this put single mothers? I'm glad you asked.

Single mothers have an awesome responsibility. They're required to ensure that the child has some type of father figure in his life, whether that be a step-father, uncle, cousin, coach, school teacher, etc. Single mothers also have to realize that they can not raise their child alone (especially if it's a boy) and that they will need to seek help to ensure the child has a good and unshakable foundation. Raising a child who is involved in church  should provide additional father figures even if the child's dad is around (as it has happened in my life).

Single mothers also must be careful not to do as the mother did in the first video; relaying negative imagery to the child in suggesting that they are no different than their father, and that they will become like them in all the worse possible of ways. I understand that things get tough, but to tell your son as he walks out the door to go spend time with his dad, "You gon' be just like ya daddy!", isn't the best advice. It's funny though. When I was younger and my dad would work nights, I'd have to follow my mom everywhere. Sometimes she'd note to people that she'd have to be both "mom and dad". I disagree. Not sure where that notion or line of thought came from. In all honesty, it's not even that important, but it's something to think on; do women at times feel that they're fulfilling the roles of both parents even if both parents are around? (For the record I believe moms was talking about the disciplining of a child who would, er...uh...do stuff, lol. Nothing worse than waiting til daddy gets home!)

One thing to keep in mind: Just as genes and personality characteristics are passed down from one generation to another generation, so are similar lines and patterns of thought. For example, I once heard it quoted (or the Holy Spirit spoke to me; I believe the Holy Spirit expounded the concept) that certain sins may be generational. The reality is that sin affects everyone and certain "types" of people are prone to certain types and levels of sin, thus making it plausible for a grandfather, father, and son to be vulnerable to the same instances of temptation. If there's something that I'm struggling with, there's a very good chance that my father dealt with the same thing, and his father...maybe even to include my mother's father. Let's face it: the more the world changes, the more it stays the same. There's so much more that can be said; however, that would take a more detailed psychological approach.

My paternal grandfather died when I was in middle school. I didn't know him well. He'd give me money at times and even wanted me to spend the night with him at some point. I never wanted to b/c I was afraid (maybe I'll tell that story later). I believe my grandfather was a good man, having served his country and fathered four boys. How could he not be? I also know that certain things he struggled with such as alcoholism and smoking was reflected in my father's life. I made a choice when I was very young not to do the same thing. The D.A.R.E. programs that were around "in my day" also helped to reinforce my dissidence with drugs, tobacco, and the like. Some people would actually come to think I was a "goody two shoes" without knowing or asking about my story. Nowadays my peers ask me about drinking, "I don't drink." Sometimes they try to take me to task to see if I've ever slipped up...other times; "Good for you." [I won't go tangential on that comment.]

As a man I struggle with much. I have many weaknesses and various strengths. I attribute much of who I am to my father, but I also do my best to see what I can do to enhance my position in life. I try not to think of it to much as a comparison between the two of us, although my mind often rationalizes it down to that. I do my best to make "improvements", but the truth of the matter is, I've never sat my dad down and said, "Tell me your story." I've been wanting to for some time. Perhaps I will soon.

Interesting side note: I told my counselor that my dad had told me (to be better than him) when I was young. Of course deferring immediately to his pedigree, the counselor suggested that this might be a lot of pressure. I also feel that given his ethnic background he might not have a full grasp on what this type of charge means in the black community. I've determined that it isn't so much pressure but trying to keep in mind that he wants me to "perform" better than he did. Why? It's simple, so that the family continues to progress. More importantly so that I live up to my God given potential. I've never actually questioned or postulated to my dad what he thinks/feels about his progress in life. What I can say is that he took a very important step toward fulfilling his potential and returned to school. In fact, it seems that we may both graduate at the same time #goPops. Jumping back to "generational sin" for a second, I came very close to having the result of the same mistake made as he did. By the grace of God it turned out not to be so. Then again we make a lot of decisions and eventually it's not seen as a mistake but a choice made. Similarly, this could be said of the comparison between myself and my mother's father. In all honesty, I wouldn't be surprised if me and my paternal grandfather have many mistakes/decisions in common.

Shouts out to all the men doing their thing; handling business.

Challenge

• Be a man
• Father someone else's child (i.e. Mentor/Parent)

Bob Ya’ Head

Just Like You (Lecrae)