I need..MORE!

"She said, 'I'll never love again.' He felt, 'It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.' And then they went their separate ways as the sun set on what seemed to have no fix or cure; differences that were irreconcilable."


...

Almost sounds like the plot to some romantic comedy that doesn't play out well. You figure that there's a high likelihood you've seen too many plays, movies, and real life scenarios which end up this way.

Is it possible to recover from the heartache of a relationship gone wrong, trust that has been broken, and sacred spaces which have been violated?

Does time heal all wounds? [I'm convinced that it doesn't.]

Will you ever love again...after all, that person hurt you worse than you could imagine. The break-up, divorce, letting go was the easy part; now reality has set in and your stomach continues to churn with a sickening feeling that you hope will disappear with the dawning of a new day.

Reconciliation, is it even...real?!

Matthew 18:21 (MSG)

At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, 

“Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? 

Seven?”

Forgiveness. An easy word to pronounce; however, it is not as easily practiced, especially among those who need to have this trait down pact. In the scripture text, Peter was asking the great teacher how many times he should forgive somebody who slights him. Having some type of understanding of numerology, I'm going to assume that Peter said "Seven", because it is a number of completion. Even in light of this the great teacher went on to respond, "Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven. (MSG)"

For the math whizzes out there this comes to be ~500 times we are to forgive someone who has done us wrong. A deeper look into the text as well as its surrounding stories (i.e. the entire Bible), allows one to understand that there is no limit on forgiveness, just as there should be no limit on how much you love. In fact if there was a limit on forgiveness (or love in that matter) salvation would be a more difficult gift to receive, unless you are able to be forgiven by God a number of times that is less than 500.

I digress...

With forgiveness comes reconciliation. What is reconciliation? For the intents and purposes of this entry, we're going to say that reconciliation is the process of settling, coming to an agreement and/or harmony. How is it possible to do this for someone who has committed the "unthinkable" towards you? The answer is simple: through love. The manifestation of the answer in your life however, will take more time than answering the question.

I started off with an example that everyone can relate to, that of relationships between them and someone that they fancied at some point in their lives only to be let down, confused, hurt, or subjected to unnecessary pain and suffering.

Some other examples or instances where reconciliation can and has taken place is war, slavery, and genocide. One might think that it's impossible to forgive the descendants of those who have transgressed against your people over several generations, but time, love and forgiveness have shown that the process of forgiveness and reconciliation is possible.

Perhaps you have a family member that did something wrong by you or hurt your feelings and didn't seem to care how (much) it affected you. Or maybe your boss or a coworker talked to you in a stern manner as a result of something that was going on in their lives, which had nothing to do with you. There are many reasons why we might be on the wrong (or right) end of hurt and pain.

Unfortunately I can't provide specific steps for your situation on how to achieve forgiveness and reconciliation, but what I can say is that it is possible. I've dealt with some of the most difficult people on the face of this planet and have been able to get to a point of reconciliation after a lengthy period of attempted forgiveness.

First, you have to forgive yourself for whatever has occurred in the past. This includes things that you did/didn't do, words you never said that you should have. Secondly, if you are able to be in contact with the offender (or offendee) and if it is possible without emotions gaining traction or the conversation being blown out of proportion, do yourself a favor and have a heart-to-heart with them...this may help put you both (or everyone involved) on a proper road to recovery. The key is to understand that until you get a grip on how you feel and everything that is going on inside of you, it will be very difficult to convey this to the party(ies) involved. Also, if you're a person of faith consider using this as an avenue for positive expression of how you feel and considering ways to deal.

There are cases where you may not be able to get to the point of reconciliation that would suit you (or everyone involved); basically you need to understand if the effort you're putting in will be worth it. I do believe that you can at a minimum get to a point of forgiveness from both sides if all parties are willing to work for it. I've seen instances where it isn't worth it to waste any time, all the way up to the other end of the spectrum where you fight until there isn't anything left to fight for.

When you do get to a point of satisfaction from reconciliation you may have a warming in your heart and a smile on your face. Simply put, you'll reminisce and say, "I need that...Ministry of Reconciliation's Effervescence." Once this becomes true for you in at least one instance you're well on your way to being more apt in handling this type of process.

Think of forgiveness and reconciliation as a dance. More specifically, the Tango #itTakesTwo