You Don't Want My Life: By the Grace of God (Pt 2)

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!!!

Yaay....as I write this snow is pouring down in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

I'm a little upset that I'll only be able to cheer for the Steelers come the playoffs...or so it seems.

About a month ago I wrote part 1 of "You Don't Want My Life", well...here we are: Part 2.

Without further adieu here...we...go...

I don't know what to say to you...I suppose thank you will have to do although it'll never be enough. I'm afraid I may not fully come to understand why you do the things you do or how you'd even select me from among all of these people in this place that you created down here, because you were "lonely". All I know, that if you hadn't done what you did, if things would not have progressed as they have...there'd not be a me...here...today. So...Thank You. It's because of your grace.


When we last left off:

"This is where I ended up due to circumstances. I'd cry out to God asking/wondering why He'd bring me out here and specifically why this job that I was interning at. Everyone who worked there did nothing short of encouraging me to "go somewhere else" once I finished (pretty reassuring I know). Let's not get back into the interpersonal issues with my coworker(s). It was a big pot of mixed feelings and emotions. I knew once I started the job it was going to be a long 2.5 months...and believe me, it...was....long. 

I didn't have too many options or alternatives. I did what I [felt I] had to do. I paid for it and am continuing to pay for it today. I feel this summer was nothing short of "sacrificial". Why do all of that and risk so much?"

Hmm...that's a really good question "Why do all of that and risk so much?"

In academia there are a number of ways you can go about networking. The simplest of which goes like this: "Hi my name is...my major is...I'm taking these classes...I'm looking to do this type of work after I graduate." Similarly, when people return from their summer vacations as seen in older movies the child is asked to talk about "What I did on my summer vacation." This is no different than when I returned to school in the Fall of this year and people would talk about their summer internships. Now as we're rounding out the end of the fall semester many folks talk about their progress regarding full-time employment post graduation.

In almost all of the cases I'd talk with people and share what I did for the summer and they would do likewise. Of course I couldn't leave out the fact that I'd get up at 4am and have a 1hr 30 min commute both ways in and out of Washington, D.C. I'm not sure if I was trying to be impressive or solicit sympathy from those I was talking to at the time. Maybe a bit of both.

Specifically there's an instance that I remember like yesterday. We were on our department boat cruise in September. This was the first week of school, so you know people are still talking about "what they did on summer vacation". As I sat there across from my colleagues and their significant others on the top deck, I began to go into my spill yet again.

"...we really weren't near the nation's capital...or not as close as I'd like to be. My commute ending up being 1hr and 30min both ways. My days usually started at 4am and ended no earlier than midnight or 1am (on a good night). Sounds crazy doesn't it?!"

They'd look at me in the face AND I KNEW what was coming next as it had so often happened before, "WOW...How'd you do that?!" It was as if their face was saying, "Tell me more!" It's a pretty awesome situation to be in if I'm going to be honest, except for this one thing: I neglected to tell them exactly how I did it. What should've came next as it was on the tip of my tongue was, "...by the grace of God". Did I say it? Ashamedly so, I did not.

Why wouldn't I be honest with these people and use it as an opportunity to share my faith and possibly further theirs?! How selfish of me to not be completely forthcoming; after all it is my duty. I'll be honest with you. I was embarrassed not so much for myself but for Christ. I'll never know how he could've used that moment to further ingrain himself in their psyche.

It's always somewhat difficult to start doing something you're not used to doing out in the open, publicly, with regular folk. Not the people who know this about you, but people who know so little. I still struggle with this at times today. Unable to look people in the face when speaking the truth. Shyly looking away to the ground as I mutter the reason why I'm doing what I'm doing. It takes time to get over the "shame" of being different. A very peculiar process for peculiar people. You don't want to seem overly religious or evangelical, even around those who "believe" what you do. It's no different than anything else, you've got to practice. Become comfortable hearing yourself say it in everyday conversations instead of reserving it for special moments. Chances are if you don't speak it naturally because you are afraid or ashamed when the time comes for you to say it, when it needs to be said, when it matters the most...you won't.

It was by the grace of God that I got through this summer and didn't die from stress. #moreOnThatLater (It's coming...)

#throwBack

There were a lot of advantages to be being in the D.C. area this summer.

1. I found God (again).
2. He showed me part of my future...
3. I learned something new and relearned what I thought I "had down pat".

Father, forgive me for keeping quiet. I pray that this might serve as encouragement to others who are changing and working on becoming bolder in whatever it is they feel they have to speak, do or be. May they find confidence when they're faced with persecution and opposition. Allow them to understand that being different means that you have to be defensive in your presentation. Not backing down and pressing forward despite the potential outcome.

Amen.

For further insight:
Read- Always Be Ready, Given Grace, Someone who understands

Why?

• It bothered me to not tell the whole truth.
• I was dishonest with myself allowing it to seem as if I was super.
• You need to become more confident in some areas.

What does this mean for me? #theReader 

Confidence doesn't come over night. It takes practice. In order to get somewhere you've never been you're going to have to do something you've never done. Don't be crazy continuing to do the same thing and expecting different results...even Einstein understood this and he wasn't close to the genius of God.

Challenge

• Get bold. Grow courageous. Let 'em know.

Brag On My Lord (Trip Lee) Lyrics