Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Grow the Hell Up...The Power of Positive Parenting #redux

My sister inspires me...thank you for the title.

Oh God,
Help us to understand 
at what point you let go.
Amen.


So, uh...I have a little brother and more often than not I find myself getting a little perturbed by his lack of adultness in handling certain situations. In part 1 of this series, we talked about some basics concerning the concept of parenting. A step beyond this involves taking a look at the progression from childhood to adolescence to adulthood. More specifically we're going to look at going from adolescence to adulthood, as the childhood to adolescence transition is a very complex subject and beyond the scope of this entry.



I've been told I was always "mature" for my age. Of course, whatever I gained or had over my peers in terms of maturity in certain areas caused for lack in others. Never was a follower or convinced by peer-pressure. If I wanted to do something there was no question about it. Some call it stubbornness, in other realms it's seen as tenacity and/or showing initiative. The point is, you didn't have to worry about me because I would always be handlin' mine [business]. Maybe it's because I was the "oldest" child and for a period of time the only child. Perhaps my upbringing came with more of a note attached which suggested, "You want it. Work for it."

In Courage and Calling (a book I've highlighted before), Gordon T. Smith touches on this idea of Positive Parenting in the chapter, "Chapters in Our Lives". Undoubtedly as the title of the book suggests, Gordon's focus is geared more towards an understanding of vocation, and in some detail, within the transitions/phases of adulthood in life. I found some of his "commentary" on the adolescence transition to be applicable in this case. For example, most people make this transition around age 20. Some in their late teens (as in my case; or I'd like to think), but "regardless of when it happens, the critical issue is this: it must happen." Gordon goes on to mention that this involves some separation from parents as highlighted in Genesis 2:24; specifically, this initial separation (or beginning of separation) includes taking personal responsibility for one's life.

In some people's lives this separation can be delayed or denied for many reasons. 1)Economy may be horrendous (as it is for most millennials graduating from college, myself included), 2)An adolescent may not want to let go due to fear, 3)Parents might continue to "provide" in areas where said "child" should be making decisions, etc. Mozart is used as an example of one who was "infantized" by his father ultimately preventing him from ever transitioning into full adulthood. There seems to be what some are deeming a longer road to adulthood these days. For many of my friends who have recently married, this transition and separation becomes very apparent in their marrying someone.


Back to my little brother who recently celebrated a birthday (perhaps he's closer to or already in the transition). He's been saving up to buy a car which is good and his driving is okay. My issue however, is the fact that we (i.e. the family) have to take him EVERYWHERE. Aside from when he hangs out with his friends, there are times when public transportation could easily be used to get from point A to point B. When I was his age I took the bus until I got a car. It was simple and helped me to learn how to navigate a system of such complexity as well as have a better idea of how to get around Jacksonville. He got his license at a later age than I; maybe he's a late bloomer. Here's the kicker. When asked why he doesn't learn the routes and take the bus in an effort to be responsible for getting himself here and there, he says, "Talk to ya momma..."

Let's think about that for a second...I'll wait.

This is a person who considers themselves to be an adult and do "grown up things", yet when it comes to certain situations, readily defers to his parents. Why is that? To make matters worse, if my parents are unable to take him somewhere they come to me as if I'm the last resort; "Oh please don't let all hope be lost transportation god!" With both of our folks finishing up their degrees in school among all the other responsibilities they have, the last thing needed is to have to shuffle/transport an adult around.

Sometimes I suggest different things for him to do or try as he's definitely in a stage of self-discovery (as we all are...some more than others). Recently I took him to (especially since I suggested) an introductory class at the Daymond John Academy, since he's into business. Now, he's been involved in a business club and things of that nature before but was wondering what should he wear.

Me: Business casual.
Him: So...pollo shirt, jeans, and boots would work?!
Me: No! It's business casual...you don't know do you?

At times like these I'm glad when I remember that I didn't always know the various levels of dress. At first he was going to wear something else, but I felt it was somewhat formal. Maybe I should've kept that to myself. As an older brother I take my responsibility in being there for him seriously, but in most cases have him "figure it out". Like the time he asked me, "What's a womanizer?" I told him to look it up. Then it dawned on me that this wasn't sufficient...neither was listening to Britney Spears, which most likely spurred the question.

Lastly, but certainly not least as many of my peers who grew up and went to school with me can attest, younger siblings seem to have a lot of advantages over us; wonder why that is. And for some odd reason I get this feeling that my parents think I was more responsible at that age... o_O


Happy Belated Lil Brother!

Why?
The quick skinny:
  • I took the bus and I turned out fine.

What does this mean for me? #theReader 
Don't be afraid to grow up. Parents need to do a better job of letting go. More adolescents should practice taking responsibility for themselves earlier on in situations that are simple, up to and including those which may be more complex. This provides an opportunity for exercises in critical thinking and problem solving.

For further insight: Read- Parents Finally Can Have THE TALK, Millennials in Adulthood, Sibling Age Gap.

This is F.U.N. (For Ur Needs)  Use your KEYS
  • Know that kids are kids and adults are not
  • Expect there to be a struggle in adulthood transitions
  • Your attitude helps to determine your adaptitude
  • Stay encouraged, we were all there once

Challenge
  • Grow the hell up

In other parenting news...


It's all funny until they get older...

Stop them before it's too late...